Delaying tactics

I thought about reposting an older story today to tide me over until I get the next section of Small Cuts ready. Then I thought I’d just explain instead. Sometimes even when you have all your ideas plotted out, the actual words won’t come. Or at least, not the words you envisioned. I am writing the story, but I’m not thrilled with the way I’m telling it. This kind of thing happens when I work on longer projects: I write and then rewrite and then edit the crap out of it. So why the uninspired wordsmithing? Let me tell you…

As I started letting the word out about giving up my chiropractic license, so many of my long time patients called to schedule so they could say farewell. It’s been bittersweet. I’ve taken care of some of these folks for twenty plus years. Some of them drive from more than an hour away since they followed me to my home office from the other practice I worked at. They’ve become more than just patients – they are friends. And so it has been busier than normal and each appointment takes a little piece of my heart along with it.

I also had a bit of a health scare. I am fine. I don’t want to talk about it.

Then, last week, I went through the dreadful task of putting my beloved Jay Dog to sleep. I didn’t mention it at the time because I could barely talk about it without dissolving into tears. He had been going downhill for a while and we knew the time had come. It is the worst decision a pet owner ever has to make. I have been having audio-hallucinations: I imagine hearing his nails on the hardwood floors, his collar jangling and him rolling around on the carpet to scratch his nose. I adopted Jay Dog right after I lost my father. Nothing could replace my Dad, but having that sweet boy dog for company sure did help.

As you can imagine, my mind has been a jumble. It’s been hard to focus. Each day gets a little better, though. I still haven’t returned to form with my writing yet. But I will eventually. Thanks for your patience, dear friends.


Like a coin of little value
I give the last of my reserve
Yielding the remnants of my heart
Asking nothing in return

Hoping beyond rational hope
That dreams of love are not lost
But like all my expectations
Into the furnace they’re tossed


The ache was deep, the chasm wide
A heart left battered, a trust betrayed
And hidden away, locked inside
A broken woman, a soul afraid
And she bravely carries on
Every night a dreamless sleep
A blackness, sweet oblivion
But every sower has to reap
A painful restitution

Her resolution falters

Drowning, gasping, clawing to the surface
Treading dark water, staying afloat
Not so easy when you think you’re worthless
So much simpler to just let go

Lost to attrition

A spark of hope, a love unexpected
Tenderness, a healing balm
Gently loved, caressed, protected
Quiet the voices, issue the calm
Blessed redemption
To take the tentative step to trust again
To give her heart and take one in return
To share a life, to risk the pain
Of a love as intense as a fire that burns

She is salvage

Written in February 2016