Places, everyone! Writing Action!

Working out the issues in novel writing.

“And… Action!” the director orders.

The actors, already in position and waiting, begin to play out they parts in the scene. Perhaps they are fleeing for their lives, preparing to engage in hand-to-hand combat or in a steamy, passionate, heart-stopping kiss. A good director will shoot a scene over and over, coaching the actors until it plays just the want he or she wants it. The movements, the facial expressions, the gestures all have to be absolutely perfect for the scene to ring true, to be authentic. The very same principles can be applied to creating the action scenes in the written form. An author must visualize –watch the scene unfold in the imagination– then write. What works? What reads awkwardly?

In writing, we talk about SHOW versus TELL. In other words, don’t just say “Mary made a cup of tea.” Show Mary filling the kettle, lighting the stove, spooning tea leaves into the pot… and so forth. It makes for much more interesting reading because all these little actions help the reader “see” what the characters are doing. The best way to illustrate is by example, so let’s practice, shall we?

The fight:

Instead of saying: Brad punched Kerry in the nose….

Brad stood staring Kerry down, his fists clenched at his side. Kerry just didn’t know when to shut up. Insinuating that Brad’s intentions toward Maya were less than honorable was the last straw. And now he was laughing about it. Brad pivoted, putting most of his weight on his right foot. When his arm shot out, Kerry didn’t have time to react. As the clenched fist connected, Kerry felt as well as heard the crunch of bone, tasted blood in his mouth. His head spun as his neck whipped around from the impact and he stumbled. He grabbed the back of the chair to keep from falling when the next blow landed. All the air was sucked out of his lungs with the punch to the gut. The blood was pouring from his nose now. He was choking on it. He raised a hand in surrender. “Please,” he managed in a hoarse whisper.

Ok, that’s enough. You get the idea. Not my best writing, but good enough for our purposes. The point is that action sequences have to have, well, action! There has to be movement. Describe smells, tastes, textures and sounds: the taste of blood, the crunch of bone, for example. The reader can visualize the scene because of the detail the writer has provided. I know that some writers actually make up story boards for action scenes. It helps because it breaks a scene into its component parts. A caution — don’t get all listy.  By that I mean, don’t list the components of a scene like: First, Brad put all his weight on his right foot, then he pivoted, then he threw the first punch and then…  Get it? Listy – not good.

You might even want to watch a fight scene from film or TV to find some inspiration. The same would be true of a car chase, an attack by aliens or giant radioactive monsters… (All of which I may address in future posts.  I know — you can’t wait.) Nevertheless, the principles apply.

Now let’s go to the complete other end of the spectrum to an example of a smaller, more subtle kind of action.

The kiss:

Instead of saying:  Brad kissed Maya tenderly…

Tears streamed down Maya’s cheeks and it broke his heart. Brad crossed the room in three strides and took her in his arms. “Maya,” he whispered, framing her face with his hands. With his thumbs, he gently swept away the last of her tears. Her blue eyes were bottomless pools and he found himself sinking into them. With his heart thudding in his chest, he lowered his lips to hers, softly at first. Tentatively, he deepened the kiss as she responded. She sighed against him, parting her lips slightly, letting him in. She tasted like the salt of her tears but he didn’t mind.  He teased with his tongue, slowly, languidly as if he could make this kiss last forever…

Ok, romantic drivel, I know. Sorry, dudes. There are things to consider when writing the perfect kiss. What are the kissers doing with their hands? Is it a chaste, first-time kiss or a passionate kiss between long time lovers? Do they angle their heads one way or another? (The nose gets in the way, after all!) How long does it go on? They may be out of breath when they finally break apart.

Speaking of breath, I know we don’t like to talk about it, but is it minty fresh, taste like cigarette smoke, coffee or the shot of whiskey he or she just tossed back? Think about textures again: his soft flannel shirt, her silky blouse, his rough and calloused hands, her glossy, swollen lips, his strong arms, her lustrous hair, blah, blah, blah.

You see what I’m saying, though, right? You, the reader, have the movie of the scene playing in your head while your eyes scan those words. Every time you write action, think about how the five senses are impacted. That is how you SHOW action, instead of just TELLing us that it happened.

I hope you found this to be useful! Happy writing, my dears!

Doing Our Level Bests

Source: Doing Our Level Bests   —  This post is by my friend Pam Kirst.  She is a former English teacher and an amazing writer.  Pam and I share the assignment of composing Creative Writing Tips: a weekly feature  on the Blogger’s World Forum.  She wrote this post for this past Saturday’s feature and I wanted to share it with you all.  Please visit Pam on her blog Catching My Drift and find the original post in the link at the beginning!

***

The cashier is young enough that she has to call for help to legally sell beer; the manager comes and rings it up for her, hands the six-pack to the departing customer. Then the tiny cashier, with her blast of curly blonde hair and long, long fingernails (I marvel at her ability to firmly grasp the groceries marching down the belt), twinkles at the next person in line.

That person is also tiny, but much older, a lady with a long, beautifully tailored coat, a halo of white hair, and hands that shake a little as they wield her hefty wallet. She looks fragile. She looks…venerable. I imagine her as a former teacher or librarian who once quelled unruly charges with one calm look.

The cashier pulls the lady’s first purchase over the scanner, dimples, and chirps, “Hi, Honey!”

The dignified customer straightens up; she’s a little nonplussed, I can tell, by the ‘Honey.’

But the cashier, oblivious, plows on. “How’dja like this weather?” she asks, cheerfully. “It was a BITCH getting here this morning.”

The dignified little lady goes completely rigid. She stares at the cashier for a moment, and then she swivels her head and happens, in the moment, to meet my eye. Her look speaks clearly. It says: Did this young person just say the word BITCH to me???

I do the universal eyebrow-raise-and-head-shake that says, ‘Oh-well: these days…’ . The lady puts her last item on the belt, waits in silence, and pays with a distant, murmured thank you. She declines carry out service (“Do you want someone to carry that for you, Honey?”) and leaves with a shake of her well-coiffed white head.

The cashier, turned a little red by now, starts scanning my items. “Sheesh,” she mutters. “STUFFY.”

My husband would be proud of me. Instead of launching into full English teacher Here’s-where-you-went-wrong mode, I clamp my lips shut and smile. I pay for my order, and I depart without sharing the lecture on levels of language that is pounding on the roof of my mouth, demanding to be let out.

The cashier had a problem many students I’ve met have: not knowing when to switch register. There are registers or levels of language (I lump them into four groups for my purposes), and knowing how to navigate them, when to switch from one to another, is an essential part of communication–spoken OR written.

Realtors might say, Location, location, location. As writers, we should always say, Audience, audience, audience. Our audience determines (or should determine, anyway) which level of language we use.

That perky little cashier didn’t know that she needed to switch from a completely unfiltered mode to something a little more restrained when dealing with her dignified older customer. That lack cost her in the long run,–cost her the friendly response she was seeking and cost her (and possibly her store) points in the estimation of her customer. In the same way, we writers can lose or engage our audiences depending on the level of address we choose.

So, here are my interpretations of the four levels, gleaned and morphed from reading and practice over so many years I cannot even remember to whom I should attribute them. I did not create these. I build, as usual, on the thoughtful work of others.

1. Nonstandard. This is the anything goes, locker room-friendly kind of language that is appropriate only at very certain times and in particular kinds of writing. It might be revealing to use in writing a conversation, for instance, giving us a real idea of what the speaker is like.

In non-standard language, there are no rules: grammar and punctuation be…ummm, darned. But if I were using this level, I could say something stronger. In non-standard English, even CUSSING or–Heaven forfend!–vulgarities are okay. (I have some thoughts on when and whether those kinds of things should be used, but that’s a discussion for another day.)
This kind of written language is fine for journals and letters to people we know so very well–maybe even in emails to intimates. Used indiscriminately, or in the wrong company, it can be offensive. I read a lot of it on FaceBook. Since the audience there is usually mixed,–intimate friends mingle with professional colleagues, former teachers and the nice lady who used to live next door read the same posts, etc.– non-standard English always conjures up my frowning teacher-puss. I think FaceBook posts ought to move up one notch, anyway, going into the level of…

2. Informal. I believe this is where my writing lives a good part of the time. In the informal stage, we’re clear and direct and we address our audience as ‘you,’ and we regularly invoke the first person. We use slang and contractions, and we throw in quirky local terms. There’s humor in this level, although we adhere nicely to rules of grammar. Our punctuation is correct. But we’re relaxed, and the written flow is easy to read.

This is, I think, the level of most blog posts; it’s the kind of writing that cuts through any imposed barriers and makes a clear, direct connection to a reader. The voice we develop in this mode, maybe–depending on the level of formality in our own personalities–is closest to our authentic personal voice, and to our spoken voice.
This, I think, is the most common mode for the kind of fiction that makes us think the narrator is someone with whom we’d like to have coffee. This is the relaxed language we use with a close friend for whom we have love and respect. Then we move up a level, to…

3. Standard English. Standard English follows all the rules, and a writer could still use first and second person. But there’s no slang here, no contractions, certainly no smiley face emoticons. This is the kind of writing instructors push us to use in our academic papers. It is bound, Standard English is, by rules of grammar and punctuation, but I really think there’s ample room for our authentic voices to emerge here.
This is the language we use in letters to former teachers, in reports to vice presidents, in pitches, maybe, to a publisher. It is cover letter language. Correct, yes, but there is plenty of room to be lively, as well. This is maybe NOT so true in the last and loftiest level, which is…

4. Formal English. When one is writing in formal English, one does not refer to one’s self as ‘I’. Third person rules here; this is the language of academic journal articles and doctoral dissertations and possibly, legal briefs (although I happen to think legal writing mostly exists in another realm entirely). All rules must be strictly adhered to in this register; the reader shall not crack a smile nor snick so much as even a tiny snicker should dread humor endeavor to insert itself. Here, one will read esoteric terms and high-faluting jargon, multi-syllabic words that only the very knowiest of know-it-alls would have any reason to know.
This level is not, perhaps, my favorite. But it DOES have its proper audience.

I ping and I pong, I think, in my writing, between informal and Standard English; my comfort zone is in kind of a Venn diagram intersect between the two. What’s your most common level; have you ever thought about this? When you write in that level, in that voice, to whom are you writing? Who is that reader you can kind of half-see, reading your words and nodding, because they get it, they really do get it????

It’s possible, if we’re not getting that reaction from folks who read our work, that we’re like the cashier–not reading our audience, not navigating our levels. It can be a lot of fun to cultivate voices in all four, and to see who seems to ‘hear’ us when we write within each level.

Happy blogging, my friends!

Double Seduction: (2) Loneliness

 

Fictional Kevin and I are collaborating on a novella of suspense that we hope you all will enjoy. Kevin wrote the first chapter, I have written the second. We’ll continue to alternate writing and posting a chapter a week until the conclusion of Double Seduction. We are both anxious to hear your comments and feedback.  If you missed the first chapter, find it here.

Chapter 2 – Loneliness

Divorced. It was final. After eighteen long months, the dissolution of Dr. Melody Rivers’ marriage was official. Mel sat back in her leather armchair and sipped her merlot. She would allow herself one glass of wine in celebration. She wasn’t however, feeling very celebratory. Jack had nearly ruined her. He’d taken their house, their Chiropractic practice and nearly all of their friends. Mel was the one who had to start over from scratch. When she’d signed the business contract with her now ex-husband, she never imagined the clause compelling her to move at least twenty-five miles away to open another office would ever have to be enforced. She and Jack had married right out of Chiropractic college, and they had been so in love. It had blinded her to the implications of owning a business with someone. But oh, the lessons she’d learned. How quickly love can turn into hate.

Sighing, she set the letter from her lawyer on the desk and powered up her laptop. Thank goodness she’d had her writing to help her through the whole ordeal. Who would have imagined that a woman fighting in a nasty divorce could be a successful romance author? Mel smiled, thinking of those few tentative words she’d penned in her notebook. Her first two novels were Amazon best-sellers, the third was quickly achieving that status. She had a fantastic group of followers on her blog and her recent queries had been welcomed by two literary agents. Finally. She was actually going to have an agent. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Jack!

She scrolled through the Reader till she found it —a post by her favorite blogging buddy. He called himself Fictional David. Today, he’d written another piece about his girlfriend, Savannah. Mel had no way of knowing whether or not that was her real name, but every time she read one of these posts, she felt just a little twinge of jealousy. David was so romantic. The posts about Savannah were usually pretty steamy and Mel imagined someone loving her that way. Maybe even David. This post was like that. The header image showed a naked couple, strategically covered by sheets. A black and white photo of two beautiful bodies, neither face visible to the viewer. Muscle and curve, a swell of breast and a mane of long hair. Mel sighed again, her heart beating just a little faster in her chest. She took another sip of the wine.

Her eyes drifted to David’s avatar — a pencil drawing, very artistic. It portrayed a handsome, strong-jawed, dark-haired man. Mel knew it was foolish because there was no way to know, but that’s how she pictured David: tall, dark and handsome. They were close in age, according to his blog bio, so they could talk as contemporaries. Mel liked that about him, too.

She read the post and commented like she always did, with praise for his writing and the sentiments it expressed. In the few months they’d been connected through their blogs, she and David had formed a friendship. Well, at least as close to a friendship one could have through online interactions, anyway. They joked around and teased each other. He even featured her in one of his posts a couple weeks back. Mel had been ridiculously flattered. She responded with a post of her own. That’s when he suggested they correspond through e-mail. How could she resist?

“That’s what loneliness will do you,” she murmured under her breath. “Have you grasping at the first sign of attention someone shows you. I must be out of my mind.”

She began typing: Dear David… No, too formal. Hey, David… Better. I’m really happy we connected, too. Thanks for your kind words… Delete. Delete. Delete. Why was this so hard? They talked on their blogs almost every day. She started again.

Hey, David! I’m really glad you gave me your e-mail address. Sometimes I feel like we’re just clogging up the comments with our nonsense! Although, it doesn’t seem like anyone minds it. I hope you had a great day. I’m off to bed early, I have a busy one tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know I was happy to share my private e-mail with you. I’ll be in touch. Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Mel

She hit send, immediately regretted it. Was the ‘sweet dreams’ too much? What if he got the wrong idea?

“Well, too late now,” she said.

After draining the last of her wine, she rinsed out the glass and went upstairs to her bedroom. While the bath filled, she stripped naked and looked at herself in the mirror. Gone were the soft curves of eighteen months ago. They’d been replaced by sleek muscle, lean and strong. She stretched her arms overhead and smiled. She looked a lot like the woman on David’s blog. What would he think of that? Piling her long hair up in a messy bun, she slid into the warm bubbles and hummed with pleasure. “Sweet dreams, David.”

Continue reading Chapter 3