Blurb – Take Two

I’ve made some changes to my blurb from earlier this morning. Here is the new version for your consideration followed by the original version for comparison. I hope my struggle will help new or first time writers see how this process goes. For the rest of you I thank you for your patience!

Breaking Bread, Book Five of The Bucks County Novels – synopsis version 2:

Maya Kaminsky’s dream of owning a French bakery cafe has finally been realized, despite the opposition of her rigid and narrow-minded family. But as the business grows and thrives, it becomes the target of vandalism —at first petty mischief which quickly escalates into dangerous sabotage. To complicate matters, Maya’s childhood friend, Brad Logan, moves back into town and with his recent inheritance, buys her building, intending to help her out. However, Maya is so used to relying on herself that it’s a struggle to accept help from anyone, let alone a man with whom she finds herself falling in love. Nevertheless, Maya will need all the help she can get to save both her business and her very life.

And the original version:

Maya Kaminski has achieved her dream of owning a French bakery cafe, even though her family opposed her every step of the way. It hasn’t been easy, but her hard work and dedication have paid off —the business is thriving and she’s slowly getting ahead. Just as things seem to be going her way, her childhood friend, Brad Logan, moves back into town and with his recent inheritance, buys Maya’s building, intending to help her out. However, Maya is so used to relying on herself that it’s a struggle to accept help from anyone, let alone a man with whom she finds herself falling in love. When the cafe comes under attack, first by what appears to be petty mischief but quickly escalates to dangerous sabotage, Maya will need all the help she can get to save her business and her life.

What do you think? Better or still needs work?

41 thoughts on “Blurb – Take Two

  1. I like the version that is above the other–the new one I believe. I am a big fan of streamlined in a synopsis, and this comes across to me as interesting enough to read and yet not cluttered with unnecessary bits. I think it’s good.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you need to remove the word ‘very’ from your last sentence. “both her business and her life.” The very you have sounds weird to me. It sounds uneven or something. I know there’s a word I for this that I’m looking for but I’m not sure what it is. It’s like both things should be in the same format… I have no idea if you know what I mean. 😀 It’s like… “I need coffee and to get some motivation” would sound much better as… “I need coffee and motivation.” Because what’s before and after the conjunction are in the same format.

    And that was a very long winded answer for one word. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, thank you for saying so… No doubt I will still makes some adjustments to the final version as I’m still not 100% satisfied. I’m setting it aside for the time being and working on the cover design instead. (Way more fun!) 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I see the improvement from the first blurb and understand you might never be satisfied. I think this summary is quite good in expressing the gist of your novel. I just finished my fifth blurb and have come to the conclusion I will never be satisfied, so what I’ve finally written will just have to do.

    Liked by 1 person

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