Baby Showers Remind Me

Baby showers remind me
There’s one more place I don’t belong
A club I’m not a member of
Standing on the outside looking in

We decided at the start
Not to have a child
To keep our freedom to ourselves
And I never thought I’d mind

But baby showers remind me
Of what I’ve sacrificed
No little one to love us
No chance to carry life

And sure I’ve loved the liberty
To travel and see the world
But I wonder if our union
Would’ve made a little boy or girl

And baby showers remind me
That time has passed along
That though I am a beloved wife
I’ll never be a mom

Might make for a country song…

40 thoughts on “Baby Showers Remind Me

  1. I’d often wondered if it was a choice or circumstances, but would never ask the reason. I feel that way when people say a boy or a girl, as long as it’s healthy, and I want to rail that some of us don’t get to have that, but, of course, I don’t…

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    1. I’m at that weird age where my older friends are becoming grandparents and and my younger friends are having babies still. I have moments of regret that we never had our own, but Harry never has. C’est la vie…

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      1. I have some friends who have kids but may never havee grandkids and I think they feel the same way when we have showers or talk about babysitting. Plus I think women tend to be harder on each other’s choices as a rule — Paul and Harry would not be having this conversation! Most of the time I can’t imagine what they talk about if it’s not sports or work!

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  2. Just a different life, people have way too much to say, and judge no matter what you choose to do with yourself. You get to see the best of both worlds, I’m sure.

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      1. I’d love to have one! I only have a crazy Aunt Denise, who keeps drunk facebooking me every night. I never know what crazy comment I’ll wake up to on my board. πŸ˜‰

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  3. You can be the boys’ crazy Aunt Meg any day! I think that no matter what choice you make, you will always feel little twinges when you look at people who have done it differently. Travel the world and go to concerts and drink warm coffee for me, Meg!!!

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  4. I feel out of place at baby showers too and find myself wondering a lot of what ifs. My husband and I are planning on having kids … just haven’t yet. It’s strange when everyone around you is living a common life (having kids/grandkids) and you’re on the outside. I always feel awkward lol.

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  5. I’ve never regretted my choice. I don’t think I have that biological clock and I genuinely cannot understand when anyone talks about how they have this feeling, longing, hole to fill… I’ve never had that. I knew from a very early age I was not meant to be a mom. My goal has always been to be the favorite aunt. Hop them up on sugar, give them noisy toys and send them home. πŸ˜„

    I now have to figure out who to give my 80’s collection Rolling Stone magazines to. There’s some good stuff in there.

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  6. We thought the same for a long time. Didn’t want to be tied down, having too much fun, traveling, free. We waited ’til our mid to late thirties to have our first. Then wanted a second…and got twins. Now we’re near 50 with kids not even in high school yet. Do we miss our freedom? The thought of early retirement? No responsibility to anything but ourselves? Absofuckinglutely! I love these boys, more than life itself. But, like you, I wonder. What our life would be like if we hadn’t had them. Life often makes us ponder if the grass is greener over there. It’s a trade off. I’m a bit jealous of my friends who are single, or married with no kids, who come and go as they please, always going here or there, no parental responsibility. But, if you asked them, they’re probably a little jealous of what we have too. Having kids isn’t necessary to a fulfilling life, I don’t think. Just as not having them doesn’t always mean complete freedom and no responsibility. Ya’ know what I mean? If y’all decided not to have them but now regret it, I’m so sorry for those feelings. Just know, the grass isn’t necessarily greener. I loved reading this, by the way. 😊

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    1. Thank you so much. I have a baby boom going on around me right now, so I’m feeling it a lot. It’ll pass and I’ll go back to being crazy Aunt Meg! I’m sure when everyone is dealing with their teenagers, I’ll be like “phew, good luck with that!” 😜

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      1. Exactly! I love being a dad, I really do. But damn, when my friends are all sending their kids to college now, or flitting around like free little fireflies because they don’t have to worry about archery tournaments, homework, science projects, or ER visits for stitches, I’m a little green. There’s great benefit to being the crazy and/or cool aunt instead of being mom. Being on point/call/high alert at all times is fucking exhausting! πŸ˜ƒ

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      2. You sound like an awesome dad! There are benefits to having your kids later, you got a little maturity before taking on that role. I’d have been a terrible mom in my 20’s or even early 30’s! Actually I might still make a terrible mom!!! πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜±

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      3. Hell, I didn’t know my ass from a hole in the ground in my twenties. Some days I still don’t. But I vowed, when we decided to have them, to give them what I didn’t. It changes everything, at least it did for me. Some days, I feel like a shitty dad. I’m far from perfect. But by god, they know I love them, they know I have their backs no matter what, and I’m present for every step of the journey. I may be a fuck up but I’m there, for it all. Something I never had. When they’re adults and on their own, that’s when I’ll find out if I did a good job or not, I suppose.

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  7. I read your post and every response and I think it’s all been said, but… I will blabber on anyway. πŸ™‚ I think everyone wonders what life would be like had they chosen the other path. I was not always sure I wanted to be a mom. Some days I’m still not sure! And there are many times when I think I was ridiculous to think I could be a good mom. I usually think I’m just lucky my kids are great — smart, kind, well-behaved… good kids. But I usually think they were born that way and don’t take any credit. Now, my son’s tendency to be a worrier — that I assume responsibility for!

    We had our kids somewhat later than lots of other parents. And you know, I feel awkward all the time around other parents. Hell, I feel awkward around everyone. πŸ™‚ And my kids are not into sports (John and I do not enjoy sports either, playing or watching) so when other kids and their parents are all about their soccer, baseball, basketball, football, hockey, gymnastics, ballet…. the list goes on… I feel like a lousy mom because my kids don’t do any of these things. (Aside….they are interested in karate but until I find a job, we can’t do anything…) And when my kids tell me about their friends and their vacations and other stuff like that, I feel like a total failure because we can’t afford to give our kids those things. And that often makes me feel like I had no right to bring kids into a world where I can’t afford to give them everything they want….everything I want them to have, to experience.

    I adore my children and I don’t want to give them back or anything. But it’s difficult not to sometimes think of the life we’d have had without them. My current layoff/unemployment situation would be way less stressful… and we’d feel like our house is way bigger than it feels now. Maybe, even though we are mostly content at home, we’d even travel. Maybe I’d feel like it was okay for me to concentrate on my own stuff (like bothering to think I could try to get a novel out there).

    I cannot remember the last time John and I did anything alone. Okay, yes, THAT. But just us… no one else home or with us when we go out? I think the last time was a few months ago when John had a day off work and the kids were at school so we went out to lunch. How fucking exciting!

    Sorry for the extended ramble. But know that when you’re wondering what if… so am I!

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    1. Your kids just need to know you love them. Trust me I know how it feels to have ‘things’ and not be sure of the rest… But that’s a story for another day. I’d be surprised if you don’t look back on this time in your life with your kids and they won’t remember the lack of trips and sports and stuff. They’re going to remember the time you spent with them and the special things you did like making those awesome cakes! 😘

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      1. Aw.. thanks! You’re too kind. I keep telling John it’s a good thing I got laid off…! The kids get a full time mom… for now! (And for way longer than we thought they would.) I think it’s also my issue that when I was a kid, my mom was home the whole time (with us, her 4 daughters). And we took at least 1 trip each year whether big or small… and I have a LOT of great memories from those vacations. I wish I could give my kids that.

        But I definitely sometimes feel like I want to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no responsibilities for other human beings. πŸ˜€

        Then the irony… of wanting time alone but knowing I’d miss them interrupting me every 5 seconds no matter how much it irritates me some days!

        Definitely human nature to wonder what it would be like on the other side. Clearly… that is why we write. I throw myself over the fence all the time! πŸ™‚

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  8. I swear there’s something in the water! I’m sure this is much harder when you’ve had the decision made for you. I should not complain and really it’s only once in a while that I wonder what it might’ve been like to do things differently. Harry and I do feel like not having kids has kept us young, or at least less mature! Thank you so much for your thoughtful words! You are awesome and we love you, too!

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  9. I have always thought of not having a child. I know I may change my mind in the future…but this is one thing I have always told myself for over a decade. There are moments when I imagine all that I will miss out on…that is normal. I do love the title of Crazy Aunt. I wear it well. I’m sure crazy aunt Meg is awesome too.

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  10. Oh my. I can so relate – but with a twist. In my case my childlessness (is that a word?!) was not by choice. That’s not entirely true… there is definitely a choice as to when to stop and accept things as they are. But that’s a story (and a blog post) for another day – My point is that I’m sure we have both been asked the same ignorant, intrusive questions and been judged by those who both know us well and don’t know us at all. No one can know what’s in our hearts and what goes into our decisions. And just because we’ve come to a decision doesn’t mean we’re immune to occasional second guessing and self doubt.
    Cheers to all the Crazy Aunts out there!

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    1. Thanks, Drew. I don’t dwell on it too much, just once in a while when I come face to face with it. I have a baby boom going on around me right now and it makes me wonder…. Did we make the right choice? I don’t know.

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