Guilty

Guilty. I recount my every failing
Tears flow, keening, wailing

For the loss of all that I hold precious
Words cannot convey my anguish

Heart broken, shattered into tiny pieces
Take the slender blade and slice it

Stay forever the exquisite pain
Lose forever the remembrance of my name

Just burn…

Apropos of National Novel Writing Month, I thought I’d repost this favorite of mine.

Why do I write in the light
When the dark is so intoxicating?
Just to keep up appearances…
Do I continue to smile though I’m dying?
How do I find my voice
Amidst a cacophony of screaming?
I don’t want your self-help diatribe
I don’t want your power of positive thinking

I can’t hear myself think
Let alone pen a work of distinction
I need a strong, stiff drink
But that’s only self-medication
And what’s it all mean anyway?
When nothing’s going to give satisfaction
Just a book full of ink spots
That sits on a shelf gathering desolation

How do I come to grips
With my own profound unhappiness?
I’m nothing but thunderstorms and anger
Keep your sunshine and sweetness
I have no more words of encouragement
It’s cruelty, competition, unfairness
The theme for the day is belligerent
It’s outworking displays its aggressiveness

So save your kindly comments
And your gestures of reverent concern
For into the fires of failure
I let the manuscripts burn
Lick the curling hundreds of pages
Kindle the books, at each turn
Throw gas on the conflagration
And I’m gone, never more to return…

Subterranean

The sky opens, bestowing on the parched earth, rain
With eyes toward heaven, stretch arms wide and spin
Quenching such a desperate thirst for happiness
But the splashing becomes a stirring up of dust
When the water evaporates
Beneath the heat of his disdain
The dragnet drags through the ash
And frisson dissolves
In a whirlpool of despair
Those highs are so heavenly
But the lows are positively subterranean
Go ahead give me a little shove
I’m already on the precipice
I did the math:
Seven seconds of absolute euphoria
Then nothing
There’s no Wonderland
At the bottom of the hole