Small Cuts (14) Elaine

June 15, 2018June 15, 2018 ~ Meg ~ 29 Comments

To find links to all parts of this story, please visit the Small Cuts Page. Now here is Elaine again:

When Oliver pulled me against him I completely lost my composure. Part of it was nerves, part of it was my loneliness, but the rest of it was Oliver’s warmth, his strength and his transparent feelings for me. I found myself relishing the feel of his arms around me, his gentleness and the sweet words of comfort he murmured in my ear. “It’s ok, sweetheart. I’m right here. Everything’s going to be alright.” In that moment, I desperately wanted to believe him.

With a deep shuddering breath, I pulled away. “I’m sorry, Oliver. I can’t. This is all just so…” I didn’t finish, unable to find the right words. What was it, exactly? Scary? Wrong? Overwhelming? Any one of those words fit, but didn’t cover the whole of it. Beneath each of those feelings lay the undeniable truth. I was here because Oliver wanted me. I needed someone to want me, to love me the way I always hoped James would.

“All so…?” Oliver prodded. I averted my eyes but he stepped forward and held me by the shoulders. “Talk to me, Lainey.” He paused, lowering his head. “Or maybe don’t say anything at all.”

He moved in to kiss me but I braced my hands against his chest, keeping him at a distance. The pain and disappointment showed in his eyes. I shook my head to clear it. “Don’t. Don’t do this, Oliver.”

He nodded, shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. “I think I fell for you the moment I laid eyes on you,” he said softly. “All this time waiting. Wanting you. Falling in love with you. It’s been torture.”

“But … but James,” I stammered and Oliver stiffened.

“James is a fool,” he said sharply. “He doesn’t deserve you, Elaine. He doesn’t make you happy.”

He was right. James didn’t make me happy, but I still wanted him to. I wanted my husband to love me the way he did when we first met. What had gone wrong? I felt the sting of tears again and looked toward the ceiling to keep them from spilling over. “And Genevieve? What about Gen, Oliver?”

He sighed heavily and lifted a hand, let it drop. “Oh, Elaine… if only we’d met each other first.” His voice gruff and full of emotion, he said, “I love you, Elaine.” He paused, swallowing. “I’m laying it all on the line, right now. I love you and I want to be with you. I haven’t figured out what the hell to do about it, but there it is.”

My stomach knotted and my already racing heart squeezed in my chest. A thousand thoughts ran through my head in quick succession. Life with Oliver. For a moment I allowed myself the fantasy —imagining the way he would love me, cherish me. I pushed a fist against my sternum to steady my breathing. I thought of James’ reaction. Would he be stoic, logical, always the lawyer, thinking out the details of a separation? Or would he fight for me, beg me to stay, profess his undying love for me? Perhaps that was more the fantasy. Nevertheless…

“Elaine.” Oliver gripped me by the shoulders. “We don’t have to decide anything right now. I just want you to tell me… Do you feel the same way? Or have I just made a huge mistake?”

Nevertheless, I thought. It was the fantasy I chose to believe. I have to tell Oliver… He’s my friend and I owe him the truth.

“Lainey?” Oliver said, breaking my reverie. “Say something.”

I nodded and started to speak, when at the same time, both our phones began to ring.

Blame It On My A.D.D.

June 13, 2018June 12, 2018 ~ Meg ~ 50 Comments

This writer’s life…

My friends and regular readers will know by now that I have many interests. While I try my best to concentrate on writing, I find great enjoyment in art and photography. But I also have a day job: I am a chiropractor with an office in my home. This June 3rd, marked 23 years in practice, the first 18 of which was spent in a busy, multi-doctor office. I said goodbye to that at the end of 2013.

While I have been pleased to care for my faithful patients, friends and family here at home, the business side of things has never been my strong suit. I despise the paperwork, the red tape and the hoop-jumping one has to do in the name of healthcare. It takes the joy out of practicing a healing art. Recently, some of the rules changed again for maintaining a license. It’s a good and necessary rule, mind you, but it requires extra fees for continuing education. Someone always finds a way to make money. So as I did my taxes this year, I considered just how profitable it was for me to remain in this small, part-time, cash practice when the cost of insuring my office, continuing education, license fees, and malpractice insurance all keep climbing. My conclusion? It isn’t profitable at all. And I don’t have the zeal or drive to go out and build my practice up anymore. My heart is in a different place. There’s more to the story, however. We are considering a move. Trying to practice in a new location presents a whole list of challenges. So on August 31, 2018, I will close the door on Dr. Margaret Sorick, Chiropractor.

You might be thinking: “Wow, pretty nice that she has the luxury to pursue writing full time.” Yes, that would be wonderful, however, I still feel the need to contribute to the household bottom line and novel writing is a slow and uncertain way to earn an income. Hopefully, one day I will be a best selling author, but for now I need to be realistic. So what am I going to do for work?

One of the aspects of writing that I find enjoyable is editing. My own professional editor, has often remarked that I don’t give him much to do. I have edited for four other writers just for fun and they were all happy with the results. I started thinking it might be something I could do for income. Coincidentally, Writer’s Digest offers classes and workshops in the art of writing, editing, and so forth. One of their copy editing classes started this month and I enrolled. There is an advanced class to follow. At the end of the course, I can either try to find a job copy editing or do some freelance work on my own. It also allows me to work from anywhere as long as I have a good internet connection. And obviously, my own writing will benefit from the course as well.

As one door closes, another one opens, they say. I only hope this new door opens onto cool, green meadows and not a grubby, back alley filled with dumpsters! Time will tell and of course I’ll keep you posted!