You know you’re not going to make it, right?

A writer’s life…

I’ve got a five year plan.

Lately, I’ve become more and more realistic about writing and publishing in this brave new world of authorship. I read a great deal about the self-publishing world and the immense effort it takes for an indie author to stay afloat in this vast sea of writers and self publishers. I watch my fellow writers blog about their Amazon marketing strategies, their Twitter blitzes, their visits to independent bookshops, courting their email subscribers, and writing up monthly or biweekly newsletters. Imagine all the time and energy that takes and it’s only the tip of the iceberg.

Frankly, it’s discouraging. Gone are the days when a writer could concentrate on their craft. Poring over their manuscripts by the light of a candle or an oil lamp, gaslight, even. I want to be F. Scott Fitzgerald banging away on the typewriter at the beach house with a ubiquitous glass of whisky. The modern author is expected to self promote, market and network. That’s what agents used to be for. I don’t want to spend 90% of my time promoting myself and 10% working wearily on my next project. All the while worrying whether it has the right hook, the perfect opening lines so that it will sell. Because that is what even the traditional publishing route is looking for —a self-motivated author with mass market appeal. Oh, and don’t forget, a unique and compelling story that has never been told before. Sigh…

Since I’ve been here on WordPress, I have met so many talented people, some really exceptional writers and storytellers. I’ve seen them blog enthusiastically, begin projects, slow down and eventually run out of steam. Then, poof, they disappear. We’re not all going to make it. That’s the cold truth. All the talent in the world does not guarantee you commercial success. Only guts, determination and massive self confidence is going to win you the seat at the publishing table.

Look, I think I’m a pretty good writer, but I don’t like saying it out loud. That sentence even made me cringe. The little bit of promotion I’ve done on my blog makes me uncomfortable. I hate the idea of constantly barraging my followers with posts screaming: “BUY MY BOOKS!” I don’t want to write a biweekly email newsletter and beg everyone to sign up for it. I’m not even on Twitter! I don’t have the stomach for that. I get nauseated thinking about it. But this is the climate we live and work in today. Is there any hope for a writer like me?

Back to the five year plan. I am writing a new novel, separate from my previous series. I may even publish under a pen name. When it is complete, I will try to shop it around to an agent. Five years. That’s how long it took John Grisham to find someone to publish “A Time To Kill.” If, after five years, and no success, I will hang it up. Throw in the towel. Listen to the voices around me saying “you’re not going to make it” and move on. Let’s get real. I’ll be ok. And…

I will always be a writer, even if I am writing for an audience of one.

Inhuman (14)

To read from the beginning, please visit the Inhuman Page.

No sooner had Amanda made the short walk home from the bus stop and stepped in the front door, than her phone rang. She pulled it from her handbag. Nathan. “Hello,” she answered.

“Hi. How’d your first day go?” he asked.

“Uh, well… it was kind of overwhelming actually.” She paused. “I saw Brian.”

“Oh… No one told me he, um, was up and running again. That must’ve been … difficult.”

“To say the least. Listen, I really need to ask you…”

“About dinner?” He hurriedly cut her off. “I thought it would be a good idea to give you a little tour of the town and have a bite to eat at the local diner. Nothing fancy.”

Right, no talking openly on the phone.  “Yes, that’s perfect. I was wondering what you had in mind.” They made plans for Nathan to pick her up in an hour and they disconnected. He has something more in mind than just a tour of the town, she thought. But I wonder if there’s any place where we can speak freely. And speak about what exactly? 

After changing from her work attire and freshening her makeup, Amanda watched from the front window for Nathan’s car. Some of her neighbors were walking to their homes, from the direction of the main road. From the bus stop? she wondered. Did they all work at the lab? 

Amanda didn’t wait for Nathan to get out of the car, but ran out before he turned off the engine. “Hi,” she said sliding into the passenger seat. “Ready whenever you are.”

A surprised Nathan said, “Ah, ok. Well, let’s show you around the neighborhood first.” Then holding a finger to his lips, he handed her a sheet of paper with a handwritten note. It read: ‘Be careful. Keep conversation general. I will take the lead. You can ask about the lab but nothing to arouse suspicion. When we go into the restaurant, leave your phone in the car. I believe we will be relatively safe if we are discreet.’

While Amanda read, Nathan began describing the town. “The streets in Makepeace all run parallel to Main Street and the avenues perpendicular. This was a designed community, founded just after the Second World War to house the returning soldiers and their families. The public works projects of the 1930’s had just brought the Interstate highway system through this part of Pennsylvania and the general thinking was that the region was going to boom.” He glanced over. “But then the coal ran out and other industries didn’t come in to replace it.”

“And the mine fire was the final blow,” she added.

“Exactly.” They had reached the stop sign and after stopping to look both ways on the empty street, Nathan turned left. A few blocks later, they arrived at the town’s center —also empty— and pulled into the restaurant parking lot. By use of gestures, Nathan reminded Amanda to leave her cell phone in the car.

The Black Rock Cafe was doing a meager business on this Monday evening. Nathan led Amanda to a booth away from the other diners and slid in across from her. “Just keep your voice down,” he warned. “Now, tell me. How was your first day, really?”

“Fine. I guess. I mean, if I didn’t know what was really going on at the place, it would feel like any other normal office job.” She frowned. “Except for all the security. And the whole taking-the-company-bus-to-work thing. And everyone staring at me. And seeing the man who I was married to a few weeks ago who is now a reprogrammed military android, pass me and not recognize me. Oh god…” She rubbed her temples. “So it was weird, ok? And scary.”

“Hmm, yeah. I’m sure it was.” 

The server interrupted them to bring water and take their order. After she had gone, Amanda said, “The other day went I went to the supermarket, the cashier knew my name. How? I am positive I didn’t give it to her.”

“Well, like I said before, we haven’t had any turnover or brought in anyone new since the program started. You’re a curiosity.”

“Yeah, but the store cashier…?” Her eyes widened. “Is the supermarket owned by the agency, too?”

Nathan looked uncomfortable. “Actually, the entire town is owned and operated by the agency. All the shops and services give the appearance of being independent but everyone in Makepeace is being paid directly or indirectly by the agency. It’s the only way to maintain the facility’s secrecy.” 

So I can’t trust anyone in this town, she thought.

Nathan continued, “An outsider is going to explore the area. Even with all the precautions, they might see something that doesn’t make sense, start poking around. You can see how dangerous that would be.”

“Yeah, and not just for the agency,” she said, shivering. “Nathan, why the hell didn’t the agency just kill me? Or get me out of the way in some other fashion? Wouldn’t that have been easier than bringing me into the fold? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Amanda, we need your help…”

She snorted. “We? Who’s we? What possible help can I be working in the purchasing department? And help how? And for what?”

He sighed. “Look, it was my idea to bring you on board. I managed to convince the director and his advisors that you wouldn’t pose a risk. You had too much to lose. We —Leo and I and the missing androids— need your help because you’re an outsider, because you’re new and because after a very short while no one is going to be paying attention to you in the purchasing department.”

“So what do I do, just lay low and wait?”

He nodded. “Yes. Just do your job. We’re sailing uncharted waters here. Leo’s primary goal is to preserve his creations. His living creations. He truly believes —and I’ve begun to agree— that these androids are self aware, sentient, alive. Not human —something else. Something new. And we have to try to save them. Not just for Leo’s sake, not just for their sake personally, but for the sake of an entire new species of life.”

Amanda felt chilled, thinking, it sounds almost like religious fervor. Who’s playing god? The doctor? “Nathan, this is insane. These are matters better left to theologians and philosophers. You say they’re alive because they’re intelligent and self aware.”

“Don’t forget sentient — they have feelings, too.” 

“Fine. But that still doesn’t fit the definition of life. They don’t really breathe, digest food for fuel, their bodies don’t repair themselves and they can’t reproduce.”

Nathan smiled wryly. “You’ve been doing your homework.”

“Of course I’ve been doing my homework,” she hissed. “Do you really think I’d just blindly walk into this situation —this dangerous situation— and not find out as much as I could on the subject?”

Nathan’s smile was genuine now. “I told Leo you were smart. And capable. And resourceful I think, too. That’s why you can help.” He leaned forward. “We can trust you, Amanda. You haven’t been drinking the agency kool aid for the past twenty years.”

“Thanks, I think,” she said, running her hands through her hair. “For the sake of argument, let’s set aside the issue of whether or not the androids are alive. The agency still wants them back in any way shape or form. You can’t possibly think they’re going to care what kind of lives the androids have made for themselves, do you? Seriously, as soon as Dr. Knight builds the next prototype, won’t they just swoop in and capture them like they did with Brian?

“Yes, yes, you’re right of course. But making that offer has bought us some time. Time to plan and figure a way out of this.”

“Oh good, great. I’m glad to hear there isn’t really a plan,” Amanda muttered. 

Nathan held up his hands. “Look, priority one is to locate Adam and Diana without the agency finding out. If and when we do, we will find a way to keep them in hiding and completely educate them as to who and what they are. Information will be their best protection.”

“Wait. Adam and Diana? One of them is female?”

Nathan nodded. “Yep, there are women serving in the infantry. Not many, but some. Diana was going to be one more.”

Their food order arrived and they waited before Nathan resumed. “Purchasing will give you access to the network and the database. The doctor will supply you with all the information he has on the androids, one at a time, to be on the safe side. Your first job, Amanda, is going to be finding Adam.”

Literally, you’re killing me…

A brief complaint about ‘literally’.

The word ‘literally’ is meant to emphasize the truth and accuracy of a statement or description or to express exact equivalence with the meaning of each individual word given.

In the first case, you might say, “The house was literally shaken from its foundation during the earthquake.” This is meant to convey the idea that the house is no longer attached to the foundation on which it was built. Really. For real. Not exaggerating.

In the second case —expressing equivalence— you might say, “tempus fugit literally means time flies.” It is a word-for-word translation of the Latin phrase.

But you didn’t ‘literally’ die when Taylor Swift liked your Instagram post.

How ironic that a term designed to emphasize a statement has transformed into just the opposite. It has, in fact, evolved to mean ‘figuratively’ in most cases! The misuse and overuse of ‘literally’ has at a minimum, diluted its meaning. For example, if you tell someone you are literally losing your mind, are they going to advise you to seek psychiatric help? Doubtful.

I wish this tendency to overuse ‘literally’ would fade into obscurity. And I hope I don’t sound like a grumpy old school teacher. [Yes, I know I do…]