Ch-ch-ch-changes…

Turn and face the strange. Or in this case the mistakes and awkward bits of my first draft.

I've done the first reread of Breaking Bread. Next comes the rewrite in which I have two major changes. For one, I'm adding a scene I left out that will explain some of the extreme hostility of Maya's mother. That part of the conclusion is thin and it needs a few paragraphs to flesh it out.

The other change is this: Kiki Curtis-Stevens. It's not that I don't like the name, I do. But… Kiki is my niece Kathleen's nickname. Fortunately, she doesn't read my blog. I think. When I first wrote the character, 'Kiki' just popped into my head and I went with it. Honestly, I never intended to use the name all through the book, I just never came up with anything better. But I don't want the criminal to be named after my niece!

I gave Kiki the full name of Katerine, the Italian version of Katharine, so one possibility is to call her Trina Curtis-Stevens instead. That works pretty well except that it sounds very similar to Tanya. Trina and Tanya. Tanya and Trina. Close enough be confusing. So now I'm thinking about changing Tanya's name as well. I named one of their cousins Stacia and I might swap their names since the cousin has no role in the story other than being mentioned. Aren't you glad you don't have to read this story again?

Just a side note: I mentioned to a few of you that I considered an evil alternative ending:

When they discover that Tanya has been paid twenty-five thousand dollars to sabotage Maya's cafe? The financier is really Brad. An obsessed Brad who only sees the cafe as an impediment to getting what he really wants: Maya. In this scenario, Brad gets increasingly jealous and possessive which results in driving her closer to Juan Paolo and that in turn triggers violence against JP, etc, etc…  (I hadn't worked all of it out, obviously…) Any of you who read Book 2: Seeing Red will get the connection here to Brad's half brother Ethan, the football player/stalker. So I figured I already wrote that story in Seeing Red. Still, it would have been fun! And unexpected I think.

Ok, back to work…

Header Image: Ian Cleary

38 thoughts on “Ch-ch-ch-changes…

  1. I’m glad you’re going to get further into the mother situation. While reading the story, at a few points, I thought the mother might be involved in the attacks on the bakery because she seemed to actually HATE her daughter so much. Destroy the bakery… and maybe Maya would follow a mother-approved path. The jealousy of Tanya is also good… I never suspected it. But… I never suspected it… you know? I kind of feel like there should have been more of a hint? Or I’m an idiot and I just didn’t see it. LOL πŸ˜€ Tanya’s sort of bailing on her husband a little… seems maybe a little jealous of Maya… or did we only find that out when we found out the whole story? I can’t remember… sorry!! Anyway, that it seemed out-of-the-blue is a good thing because it was a surprising twist… but despite my guesses at who was behind the bakery attacks, I never suspected Tanya. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know… does the reader get satisfaction from feeling “I knew it!” at the end?

    I like the evil Brad ending! I’m all for happily ever after, as you know… but something about Brad rubbed me the wrong way, so to speak, the whole time. I don’t know what it is. Maybe your final draft is different from what you posted… and I know we talked about this before… but it seems like Brad is a puppy following Maya around and then… boom… she loves him back. Like I said, maybe the final draft has more relationship development. And maybe I think this because of my obsession with romance… And maybe this is due to my lack of skill in coming up with really good plots and surprises along the way creating mystery. I probably give TOO MUCH romantic detail (that’s not a real thing ‘romantic detail’… I’m just making up stuff) and don’t have enough plot. But I felt like Maya and Brad needed more… something… to end up together. Maya had better chemistry with JP, I think. I like the idea of her ending up with him. Provided Brad doesn’t kill him… πŸ˜€

    I hope you don’t take any of this as any sort of insult! Your story is phenomenal the way it is. I’m just pulling out details that I wondered about while reading. πŸ™‚

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    1. Sandra! This is an awesome comment! You are right about some of the out of the blue plot points, however, I didn’t post every little bit I wrote. There are some Brad points of view that I didn’t include and a few ‘dragging’ parts that are necessary to the story but I figured would put blog readers asleep. They are fine in the actual book though and will give the reader more of the feeling of Maya falling for him. She continues to notice the little kindnesses he shows her along the way and so forth.

      For Brad to be the villain… his brother Ethan was a crazy obsessed stalker in the book I wrote with him as the villain. For two brothers to end up with almost the exact same psychopathy would be too much! And the story would be too reminiscent of Seeing Red so I couldn’t really go down that road. Nevertheless, Brad could’ve ended up just being a big enough ass to push Maya straight into JP’s arms. I loved their interactions, too! JP was probably the most fun character to write! Anyway, the scene I’m adding will have Maya’s parents reveal what Tanya was doing to poison them against Maya from some point in the past. Tanya always being the jealous little sister and kissing up to mom and dad, playing the victim when Maya was completely oblivious.

      And thank you for the long and detailed comment! And for liking the story and faithfully following along! xoxoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Everything you said here is exactly what I think will change my thoughts on these things. The Tanya/mother thing… and the Brad thing. πŸ™‚

        Also, I get what you mean about making a story too similar to another. This is my problem (well, one of them) with the romance drivel I write… every story is essentially the same…
        xo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Not drivel at all! The falling in love part of a story can only be so unique. The situations that are happening around the love story are what sets each one apart. Even Queen Nora’s romances are pretty much the same formula. She manages to write a good mystery around them fortunately, or she’d have been finished ages ago!

        Like

      3. I need help with plot. It’s why my “secret story” stays secret. I like the plot I have… but it’s not exciting enough and it sort of resolves itself after a whole big thing… and then there’s nothing… or something smaller… yet it doesn’t feel like a place where the story should end. Aaaaanyway… this is something better discussed not on your blog post!

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  2. OMgoodness, I’m so glad Brad didn’t turn evil! πŸ˜› I think you have a good idea on the names. I’ve never written anything and then edited like this. It seems kinda fun and kinda daunting. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like the Evil Brad idea, but you’re right, you told the unhinged obsessed stalker story with Ethan. I like the way it ended, although Sandra’s points are valid. I didn’t feel a ton of chemistry with him and Maya.
    One theory I had when reading was that Tanya’s pregnancy was faked. Obviously her trip to the hospital cancelled that idea. Not much was made of the fact that not only she, but her unborn baby died in the fire. I hope you don’t think I’m being critical – but it was something I was waiting to be addressed. If she had faked the pregnancy, it would have added to her manipulative profile. Just a thought. πŸ™‚
    Lastly, I’m reading a book where 2 of the main characters have similar names. It’s driving me nuts! It’s something I don’t think occurs to some writers, so I’m glad you know enough to change Tanya’s name if you decide to go with Trina.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rita, you’re absolutely right. I love the feedback, don’t ever worry about sharing it! There are scenes I didn’t post that will show Maya falling for Brad a little better. And I will tweak some of their interactions in the beginning so she shows her growing attraction to him. I know there are some other parts I need to beef up – the pregnancy being faked is a good idea… maybe I could change the nature of her trip to the hospital. Or maybe make it the grandmother’s heart attack instead… would that work? And then the autopsy reveals that she was never really pregnant? Oh man, I have some thinking to do… Anyway, that’s why it’s called a “first draft!” Thanks so much for your suggestions! I really mean that!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. They are good ideas! The fake pregnancy totally makes sense. I just have to figure it the reason for the hospital visit. Or cut it out altogether. Not sure… And yes I made those name changes. Tanya is now Stacia and Kiki is now Trina! Lol!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Go for the evil…you know you want to… the only problem is the happy ending would be gone. I think it is ok to have two characters with similar sounding names, make the reader work a bit harder.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought of it about halfway through… no one is all that committed to Brad. But it really would be too close to the prior storyline in book 2. I do want to… you are right! I changed the names though. That is a thing I don’t like too much. Unless there’s a hidden reason for it.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Once you name a character it is very difficult to rename them. I changed a character’s name from Kitty to Madeline and she freaked, wouldn’t behave herself and it became impossible to complete her character arcs. Weird!

    Liked by 1 person

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