Worth More To Me…

A glaze of ice on the water of the lake
The whip of the cold north wind in my hair
The gunmetal sky spilling fat snowflakes
Hurry home to wife and hearth and fire

Up ahead the chimney smoke is but a wisp
I urge the horse on, as apprehension grows
The house is dark, no lanterns light the way
As steed and I struggle in the deepening snow

I leap from my mount upon entering the yard
Tie him quickly to the post and hasten cross threshold
Inside I find only cold and empty rooms
And note upon mantle above fire banked to coals

‘Dearest husband, I’ve given you a way
Find another woman to keep you warm
One who will not disappoint, fail to give you sons
Fill her belly, find comfort in her arms

I beg your leave and your wish for well
I return to my own father’s home in shame
I relinquish my privileged place
It was my honor to take your name

But now I give it back so you may take another
Take a lively, fertile girl with hips for giving birth
Who’ll keep your house and hearth
Bring the sound of children’s laughter and mirth

Farewell my love, I’ve taken only my clothes
I’m riding the old mare for she’s no good to you
Do not try to stop me, it’s my heart’s desire
Your happiness is worth more than mine times two’

I sank to my knees in anguish and deep distress
For even familiar roads in snow would be precarious
Yet she couldn’t have made it too far along
I returned to the horse and set off in chase

The snow had all but obscured their tracks
And yet I soon picked up their trail into the forest
Thank God, old Molly was surefooted, true, but plodding
For in the woods, were dangers more treacherous

Wolves and bears and highwaymen, even in the storm
Would prey upon a vulnerable woman and her mare
I pushed my horse recklessly along the blanketed road
Trying to keep my wits and not give in to despair

Up ahead amidst the trees, barely visible through the snow
A tiny rider cloaked in grey, upon a dappled mount
Standing in the stirrups, bow drawn, arrow aimed
At circling wolf, alone and foaming at the mouth

I hurried on, drawing my sword from its sheath
But watched as she dispatched the wolf with arrow’s tip
Then with tears of joy I pulled my love from saddle
And with loving kisses warmed her lips

‘My sweet you cannot leave me, I need you more than air
I want you more than food or water, I love you more than life
You are worth more to me than a dozen sons
I live for your laughter and companionship, my beloved wife’

Her eyes bright and shining, pools of pain and sorrow
‘I am sorry love, I thought I should set you free’
I kissed her cool mouth softly and cut off her words
‘Come home darling, your place will always be with me’

Novel Writing Mistakes

In proof reading your work, I always recommend reading out loud. This exposes awkward sounding sentences and the overuse of the same or similar words. Well, in my last novel excerpt I was in such a hurry to finish and post it, I neglected to follow my own advice. Nevertheless, it gives me an opportunity to demonstrate what NOT to do.

Here is the section in question:

“All right. Stay back and we’ll take a look,” the officer said.

He waved over one of the other officers and together they approached the shattered shop window. The other officer swept his Maglite around the darkened interior and focused it on something toward the front of the room. He spoke to the first officer who nodded and came back to where Brad and I were standing. “It looks like a large rock, or maybe a piece of concrete block, it’s hard to tell from here. Do you mind opening the place up so we can take a closer look?”

Officer, officer, officer… I only discovered just how bad that sounded after reading it out loud. Here is the edited version of that same section:

“All right. Stay back and we’ll take a look,” he said.

He waved to his partner and together they approached the shattered front window. The second officer swept his Maglite around the darkened interior and focused it on something toward the front of the room. He spoke to the first officer who nodded and came back to where Brad and I were standing. “It looks like a large rock, or maybe a piece of concrete block, it’s hard to tell from here. Do you mind opening the place up so we can take a closer look?”

Better, but not perfect. However, technically this whole thing is a first draft so some extensive editing will be done before it ever goes to print. I hope this shows you how helpful it is to read your work out loud. I have learned my lesson!