My brain is in a bit of a jumble, finishing up my latest project. So much to think about, details, details… It needs to be perfect. It’s never going to be perfect. I have so many random thoughts running around in my head….
Am I ever really going to feel like “A Writer”? Yes, I’m a published author, but I wouldn’t be able to survive on the income from it. Is that what it will take?
Marketing. I have a BS in Marketing and right now that BS really does feel like bullshit. (That was before chiropractic school). I’m exhausted and overwhelmed by what I REALLY need to do to get my writing that kind of attention.
Blogging might actually be making things worse. I’ve developed this schedule that my brain has started treating like a real world obligation. Like I get fired if I don’t write “this” for this day and “that” for that day. I’ve got it in my head that you all will leave me if I don’t keep it up. I watch some of you post once, twice, three times a day – beautiful poetry, heartfelt personal expressions, short fiction… I can’t measure up.
The novel series… I have ideas for 3 more of them. What I really want to write is my WWI story. I can’t do both. How long can a series sit dormant before readers lose interest?
I’m not reading. Not nearly enough, anyway. My reading challenge for 2016 is 25 books. I’ve finished 6. That’s pathetic. I have books by 4 fellow bloggers on my list. I swear I will at least read those before the close of the year.
Sometimes I wonder what you really think of me? Do I sound confident? Positive and upbeat? Do you know that I worry? That I have panic attacks sometimes? That I fake being happy just so I don’t have to talk about it? Because I really don’t like to talk about it. Consider this the rare occasion I’m saying something.
I need to move. I hate the place I’m at right now. I have to think about getting out of here and I don’t quite see the way ahead.
Just one final thought. I love you guys. I appreciate your friendship. I treasure the relationships I’ve formed here over the last ten months of blogging. Don’t go away, ok?