Hijinks at the Large Hadron Collider

As if the dudes at CERN didn’t have enough to worry about: ripping open black holes here on earth, breaking down the barriers to parallel universes, discovering new and unstable particles, accidentally opening a portal to Heaven and facing God who makes them answer for denying his existence all these years…. Ok, they really aren’t doing that. Despite the conspiracy theories. But apparently some of these nerds have a twisted sense of humor.

A video circulated last week that shows a group of black cloaked figures gathering in front of the Shiva statue on CERN’s front lawn and stabbing a woman to death in a human sacrifice. Investigators realized that with the unbelievably tight security at the facility, the perpetrators had to have access badges. In other words the pranksters were CERN scientists. And now they’re fired. Way to go smarty pantses. You just lost the coolest job on the planet.