In proof reading your work, I always recommend reading out loud. This exposes awkward sounding sentences and the overuse of the same or similar words. Well, in my last novel excerpt I was in such a hurry to finish and post it, I neglected to follow my own advice. Nevertheless, it gives me an opportunity to demonstrate what NOT to do.
Here is the section in question:
“All right. Stay back and we’ll take a look,” the officer said.
He waved over one of the other officers and together they approached the shattered shop window. The other officer swept his Maglite around the darkened interior and focused it on something toward the front of the room. He spoke to the first officer who nodded and came back to where Brad and I were standing. “It looks like a large rock, or maybe a piece of concrete block, it’s hard to tell from here. Do you mind opening the place up so we can take a closer look?”
Officer, officer, officer… I only discovered just how bad that sounded after reading it out loud. Here is the edited version of that same section:
“All right. Stay back and we’ll take a look,” he said.
He waved to his partner and together they approached the shattered front window. The second officer swept his Maglite around the darkened interior and focused it on something toward the front of the room. He spoke to the first officer who nodded and came back to where Brad and I were standing. “It looks like a large rock, or maybe a piece of concrete block, it’s hard to tell from here. Do you mind opening the place up so we can take a closer look?”
Better, but not perfect. However, technically this whole thing is a first draft so some extensive editing will be done before it ever goes to print. I hope this shows you how helpful it is to read your work out loud. I have learned my lesson!
Oh dear: we all make mistakes. Cut, cut, cut! I was reading the excerpt in such breathless fashion, I didn’t stop to check. You make a good point, though. I often review the pieces I post and alter them after the comments others make.
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I cringed when I re-read this last night! Ah, well. Lesson learned!
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I know that feeling all too well: how could I have missed that. Still if the energy of the writing carries it past the eyes of the critic, then you have done well.
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That is a relief! Although, I wonder if everyone was just too kind to point out the faux pas!
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Interesting thought: but I didn’t catch it first time through. Even now, the original, uncorrected, doesn’t sound that bad to me.
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Great advice, Meg but I can’t read my stuff written in English out loud because it just kills it, it’s the accent, I actually can’t bear it. I really need to enlist the help of a native English speaker to read it out loud for me 😀
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I imagine your accent is just lovely! But having your work read aloud is a great way to find mistakes. As I have just proved! 😦
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Meg, you’re amazing. I wish I had even half your imagination when it comes to fiction. Scratch that, even a third! And your writing is excellent as well 🙂
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Oh my ! Nathalie, you are too kind! Thank you so much!
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Only speaking the truth, have a lovely day, Meg 😀
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You, too! ❤
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I always read aloud, Meg. So much pops out. Great example.
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Yes! It’s a necessity, I think. Thanks, Diana. 🙂
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I am a frequent mistake maker. Or maybe a compulsive editor. Lol. Not sure. Probably both. But reading aloud is the best helper! I wish I could learn to write things made to be read aloud. I love spoken word.
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I do, too. Fairytales and poetry!
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Yes!
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Shame on you. 😃😃
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I am a stickler for checking what I’ve wrote. But even then, flaws can be there that I miss. Hey, I’m only human after all.
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Absolutely! To err is human…
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You said it perfectly Meg.
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Hi Meg- Thanks for great advice.
I am just starting a humble weblog about language learning, especially Spanish, and took your advice before I pressed ‘publish’ button on today’s post. Magic! It really helped me to hear what was wrong instead of trying to see.
To be honest, I was reading your excerpt trying to spot what was wrong, but didn’t pick upon the ‘officer, officer’ issue. I thought it was great. Of course I saw what you meant afterwards, but it was still good.
Thanks again for great advice.
Regards. Marie.
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I am so glad this was helpful. And timely. Thank you for your kind words! Best of luck with your language learning!
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Rest assured that I didn’t even notice. Not even in the before excerpt today. 😀
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Oh that is good! I do think it reads better than it sounds. I am not thrilled with that entire exchange but I’ll save it for the second draft at this point… Thanks, Vic!
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I’ve never done a second draft. I think I’d like the opportunity to redraft some of my writing.
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I usually do one heavy edit/second draft where I’ll actually rewrite sections if they need it. You should revisit some of your older stuff!
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Maybe I’ll pull out some stuff to clean it up
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Cool! 😀
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I didn’t notice it when I read the story the first time, but I agree with your changes. But you’ve been writing quickly, so perfectly understandable!
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Thanks! It’s a good lesson learned, always read it out loud!
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You are your own harshest critic. Though a bit of self flagellation never did any harm.
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Better me than someone else!
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True and it was very honest of you to point out mistakes.
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Well, I figured if I already put it out there, someone else might have read it, and thought it was terrible! I had to correct it! So in a way it was partly self serving…
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You are too modest.
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Aw, thank you!
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Great points here. YES, I always read my stories/posts/novels, chapter by chapter, out loud. Amazing what we learn. Thanks for sharing your mistakes so we can all learn together.
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Splendid! It’s quite easy to fall into this trap which is why editing is not a walk in the park. Great points and yes indeed, I try to practice reading aloud.
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Thank you Jacqueline, I’ve learned plenty from my own mistakes!
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You are wise. Far wiser than I was when I published my first novel acting as my own editor. I republished a a much improved second edition 6 months later.
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Thanks, Phil! My first novel was a bit of a mess, too. I did the exact same thing, republished a second version!
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Thank you so much
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You’re welcome!
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