October 21, 1966 – That is the day I was born. I have completed fifty years on this earth. I can safely say I am past middle age. It would mean living to 100. Not completely out of the realm of possibility, but highly unlikely. Although, I do have a great aunt who’s still alive at 104. Anyway…
Do you know what the lead story around the world was on the day I was born? A mudslide buried a school, killing 148 people in Aberfan, Wales. The local Merthyr Vale coal mine had dumped coal waste, ash and sludge to a height of 700 feet. Heavy rains led to the slide and the subsequent burial of the Pant Glas elementary school and some nearby homes. 116 of the victims were children. Horrifying.
Fifty is hitting me hard. I’ve never minded turning another year older. The other milestones haven’t affected me the way this one is. I feel like doors are closing on me – there are things I can never go back and do again. Opportunities have been lost, the consequences of past decisions have now been fully realized. The future is no longer wide open with possibilities, it has narrowed to a dimly lit hallway with doors that have been locked or that have been stuck with paint so they are hard to open. The walls are covered with artwork displaying everything that is now out of reach.
However….
I remind myself of these words of wise King Solomon: A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth – Ecclesiastes 7:1. And I remember that really a birthday is nothing more than a way to mark the passage of time. That, at the beginning of one’s life we have no name, no reputation, no body of work, no achievements, no experiences, no friends and no memories. After fifty years, at least I have all of those things. And though I feel like a great portion of those fifty years could’ve been better spent than they were, time unfortunately does not move in but one direction.
My only option, then, is to move forward down that dimly lit hallway, yank open the paint-stuck doors and take advantage of the opportunities left to me. It just no longer seems easy or effortless. But not impossible.
Header image from owl-cation.
I’d like to light that hallway a little bit with a big fat
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
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Thank you, T – that’s very kind of you!
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Definitely NOT impossible! I can definitely relate in that I feel like I lost a lot of time, as those decisions have made it seem as though many doors are now closed or stuck, as you described. But I also savor a much simpler life! Even that takes work, but it’s so necessary to do what fills your soul. Do what you love, Meg! You are such an amazing women. No doubt you’ll bust through those doors.
I remembered how much I loved this article. It may not apply at all for you, but I thought I’d share.
https://markmanson.net/passion
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Thank you, Kay. I appreciate that, and thank you for sharing the article with me. I will wallow for a while and snap out of it, I’m sure. ❤
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Nothing wrong with wallowing. It’s how we know ourselves, I think. Gotta feel it to move through it! I’ll be quiet now. Lol. Love to you.💜
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Love to you, too. ❤
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💜💜💜
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And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!💜
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Oh that article was brilliant. Thank you so much!
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Sure!
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It is definitely not impossible.
May God bless you
And happy birthday!
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Thank you.
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I’m right behind you. But hey, I subscribe to the notion that age is merely a number. Hell, 50 is the new 30 (or something like that), right? 😃
Happy Birthday, my dear! And here’s to many more! 🍻
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Thanks, Beach! I feel like my 40’s were my best decade, so it’s a little hard to say goodbye.
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I stopped at 35, so ….
😃
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Good plan! What was I thinking?
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I don’t know?!? 😃
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HAPPYYY 50TH Sister!!! Bring on the Champagne! Wooohooooo!!!
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Thank you, dear. No champagne, sorry!
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oh okay. Wine or Beer. Or whatever you like 😀
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Thanks, love!
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Happy birthday! I’m only about 18 months behind you, so if you’re able to dance down that corridor and kick open some doors then there’s hope for me too! 🙂
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Well, maybe it won’t feel the same way to you when it hits, but this year feels like all ten of the previous years just fell on my head.
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Ah, probably not. But then again I had my new decade age stress when I stopped being a teenager and turned 20. A few days later I realised that I was still the same person and haven’t really bothered about it ever since! I’m still 18 in my head you know 😀
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So true! I still feel that young myself. Eh, I’ll get over it and be done with my wallowing in a day or so! Thanks, Nick
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Happy Birthday, Meg!
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Thank you!
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First… Happy Birthday!! Cake always makes things better. 🙂
I’ve been thrown off by a few numbers along the way… with regrets and dreams of time travel to live the years better, to do it “right” with a second chance… But of course, that is not to be. (Dammit!) However, I don’t think of myself as being my actual age. Maybe that’s because I act about 13 most of the time. But the magic is… You don’t need to be in a dimly lit tunnel. I picture more of a whipping crazy amusement park ride… And in the end, a sudden dark plummet. No slow walk down a dim hall.
Of course, I could be full of it since I have no idea how I’ll feel at fifty…
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No cake. Just a day of reflection. A little wallowing and possibly a frozen pizza.
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😕
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Happy Birthday you young thing, you. Hope your birthday is filled with sunshine and laughter! 😉
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Thank you, Sam!
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Welcome, Meg!
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Happy birthday Meg. I hope you treat yourself kindly and life begins now, you only do those things that you want to do 😊
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Thank you, Jacqui!
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Penblwydd Hapus Meg.Put your foot down now and don’t let life hurry you along.or it disappears without you noticing.
xxx Hugs Galore xxx
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It feels like most of it is already gone anyway. But thank you. Hugs back!
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Happy Birthday, Love!!!! You’re amazing and talented and fun, and don’t forget you have awesome shoes!! You’ve got lots more years to do lots more things! I hope you have a happy day! Eat some cake, drink something bubbly or something aged and celebrate!! 😀❤️💐🎈🎉🎊
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Thanks, Vic. I’m probably just going to have a good cry and binge watch Netflix.
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At least watch something good? 😊
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Happy birthday, Meg! I hope your day is special and you’re surrounded by people who make you smile.
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Thank you, Rob. You all make me smile!
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Well: happy, happy birthday. Make it a good one. Fifty is just a number like any other. It has no significance. Age is in the head and the mind can conquer most things, as you well know. I did my best work AFTER the age of 50, not before. There are many good things ahead of you and, piece of advice, if that corridor seems dark: buy a torch or turn on the lights. And if the doors stick: ‘those boots weren’t just made for walking, they were also made for kicking open doors that stick! Your birthday presents are on the way, Meg. They will be a little bit late, but I hope you enjoy them. NOW: make it a great day.
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Thank you so much, Roger. I so appreciate that. And your friendship means the world!
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To my younger sis: All we have is one moment. We don’t even have a day. We have now. Live now to the fullest. I’m older than you. I realize there are things I am sometimes I get caught up in: Where am I? Why am I here and not there? How much time do I have left to do X-Y-Z?
But overall I have decided I just have this moment. I could have died a number of times in my life and almost did. I didn’t die. I could die today. This afternoon. This weekend. All I have is now.
Sure, I make plans for the future. I want a future with Waco, with my kids, to have little babies running around who call me something other than “grandpa” because I’m not old enough to have grandchildren.
But today is all I got. Now is all I got.
Today I wanted you to feel special on your birthday. I hope something I wrote or said helped that to happen.
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Thank you so much, Kevin. Your words and your friendship mean the world to me. My day of wallowing will end, I will snap out of it like I always do and life will go on. Thank you again!
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I love your half-century old ass.
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You’re not helping
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Gee…sorry. Would it be better if I didn’t love your half-century old ass?
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No! That would be way worse!
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Skip the frozen pizza and at least go to Chiaro’s. 😉
Maybe this is going to be the next best decade????
Love you lots!!!!!
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Thanks, my friend. I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard but I’m really feeling it. 😕 I probably should just put on my big girl panties and get over it!
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Happy Birthday Meg. Enjoy your special day/Month. I hope you’re spoiled by friends and loved ones. Fifty is not old, it’s only half-way. My Great-Grandma was 93 when she passed, my other somewhere in her mid-nineties, my Baba is coming up on ninth-four and my dear Grandma Reeder (my great-God mother) is almost 98. I love the passage you chose from Solomon. A good name, to be a good person and a helpful person, no matter the circumstances. I think that is much more vital. And I think even on your blog, you do this. 🎈🍰🍧
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Thanks, Mandi! Appreciate your wishes!
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Happy Birthday!! 🎁🎈
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Thank you!
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Happy birthday, little sis! I already opened some of those doors for you and it’s all good, trust me. And I should know, I’m even older than Kev! Really, life just gets better and better, the possibilities nowadays are endless. Don’t waste anymore time being depressed, you’d be cool at any age. Love ya!! ❤
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Aw! Thanks, Dee! I appreciate that so much! Love you too! 😘
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Happy birthday Meg, don’t worry too much it will be grand, and remember Nietzsche’s advice.
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Gaze into the abyss long enough and it will gaze back into you? Got it.
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No, its not that at all, you must think I am really mean.
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I’m joking, I couldn’t resist after the mood I’ve been in. Which advice, the why/how?
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It doesn’t matter how long you live, its what you do so that you wouldn’t regret it as you will have to repeat it eternally (Eternal Recurrence was his metaphysical idea to escape the nihilism implicit in atheism). there was also his advice that it is vital to die at the right time, but that probably wont improve your mood. Anyway a very Happy Birthday Meg, they are tons of positive, enjoy.
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In that case, I better make the most of it. After the mess I made here in the middle, I’ve some ground to make up. Thank you, very, very, much, Cake.
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Sorry, wasn’t that any help Meg. Forget what I said and enjoy your birthday.
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Ack! I should apologize I’m being difficult. Sorry, I know what you’re saying! ❤️
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No sorry my humour is a bit grim and in this case not appropriate. I do apologise, don’t what you to think that I am heartless (I have a heart, it is just small and black).
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Oh brother, dark one. Not fooling me
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I am all sunshine and light.
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I know! Shining, golden, burning…
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I am a complicated person.
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Being simple is not interesting.
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My next post should cheer you up (not really but it is on a fantastic painting).
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Fabulous! I’m headed out to dinner at the moment, so I’ll have to save it for later. Also, Fate is done and I think you’ll like it. I hope…
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i am sure I will, enjoy your dinner.
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Happy Birthday! 50’s the new 35, and far enough in my past that it seems a harmless milestone. Enjoy being alive. Shine your own light and you’ll never be in the dark. ❤
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Thank you, Sue. I appreciate that!
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❤
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Happy birthday, Meg! The way I see it, you have all that wisdom and joy for living… and the money to enjoy it that you wouldn’t have had at 18! I think it’ll be a great age to be when I get there… I hope you agree in the meantime! 🙂
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Thank you, Al. You make a good point, plus I don’t have any kids to pay through college, so there’s that… 😜
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So, a childish glee AND disposable income… who’d trade that for being younger??
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Um, well… possibly a lot of people! 😬😂
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Fools, the lot of them! 🙂
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I also joined the 50 club thhis year.
Thanks for putting into words a lot of my bittersweet feelings on this milestone.
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I’m glad you understand. It’s really weird, isn’t it?
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Looking back in hindsight from atop the high vantage point of Mount 50, I can see why a lot of things happened and turned out the way they did. I think in some parts they call that wisdom.
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I think they do. Thank god for that.
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Happy Belated, Meg. 50
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is just the beginning.
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I hope so!
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I have a good feeling 😀
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Thanks, love! xo
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Happy birthday, Meg. It’s always good to imagine that you don’t actually know how old you are. All you have to go by then are your feelings, and not get all caught up in pointless worries about meaningless numbers.
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In my mind I’m still in my 20’s, so I’m going to take your advice! Thanks, Mick!
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Happy Birthday Meg!
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Thanks, love! 😃
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You’re welcome! 🙂
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Happy Birthday Meg, and welcome to the 50s. They’re not so bad. 😉
I would tell you that I didn’t even start my blog until after 50, but since I have not been very good at keeping it, up, I’m not sure that will mean much. Just look at all you have accomplished!
Have a wonderful year!
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Thanks, Rita! I’m feeling better today. But when I think about it, I can’t believe I’m here already. Wow…. 😳
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I know what you mean. I’ll think of something from the past and can’t believe that it was 20, 30, or even 40 years ago! In my mind I’m only about 30! 😉
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Happy belated birthday, Meg! I know exactly how you feel but we can only embrace age – there’s nothing else we can do!
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Thank you Nathalie. You are absolutely correct. And I am kicking the blues out the door little by little. Thanks again!
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Happy happy birthday Meg! Sorry I missed wishing you sooner! Here’s a fun fact: your birthday is Oct 21 and mine is Oct 22! 😄😄
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Thanks Rashmi! I’m WAAAAY older than you, though! I hope you had a happy day with your family. Saw your pics on FB. Looks like fun and your sis is quite the cake decorator!
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It was a good day. Thank you, my sis basically summarized my life through the cake design. Makes me wonder though if I should be doing something more with my life!! Maybe this thought is midlife crisis! Haha 😂
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That’s funny! But something we all wonder when we look back I suppose!
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Oh in the excitement over our birthdates I forgot to say this: you are someone I look up to not just as a writer but a good human being too! So don’t let that number 50 stop you, the world is your canvas paint on it however you like….ppl love art! Oh yea I see you have already started with sketching 😉
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I missed it, and it’s too late now to wish you Happy Birthday, but hey, it was just another day. A day to savour like every day. A day to start doing new things, if that’s what you want. A day to think “to hell with it, I don’t have to impress anyone!” Always remember that regret is a wasted emotion. Above all else have a very happy “rest of your life”! Hugs from a youngster who had already been in the Army for 2 years when you were born.😘
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Thank you Peter. I’ve come to terms with it. For some reason, this milestone felt heavy. I’m not usually that affected by the passage of time. And it is all in the attitude, isn’t it? In my mind, I’m still a twenty-something!
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Ich auch! (for the German in you) Although my joints often don’t agree with me.
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Fifty’s are great! take it by the scruff and enjoy 🙂
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Appreciate the encouragement!
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