The blurb… feedback appreciated!

~ Meg

Tainted Inheritance, my fourth book, is nearly ready for publication. If you are interested, the first 4 chapters are available here. As you might have read yesterday, I’ve been working on the blurb/synopsis and designing the cover. While I rather enjoy cover design, writing the blurb is my least favorite thing about the whole process. As per Phil’s suggestion, it might help to have some feedback from other writers and readers. So…

Here it is! The bane of my existence. After tossing the ideas back and forth with Kevin over the last couple of days. I finally “settled” on this one. Now tell me, honestly, would you read a book based on this blurb?

Why would anyone want to kill Olivia Sutton? Her life was finally coming together after her divorce. She’s come into an unexpected inheritance, found new love with contractor Leo Donovan and made a fresh start in a new home. When she becomes the victim of one too many random accidents, she realizes a killer is stalking her. Has something in her past come back to haunt her? And can she and Leo discover the killer’s secret before it’s too late?

What do you think?

Published by Meg

Easily amused, never bored and constantly distracted. My creative pursuits include writing, drawing, painting and photography.

50 thoughts on “The blurb… feedback appreciated!”

  2. Oh heck. I know how much you’ve worked on this so I don’t want to pull it to pieces :-\ But…
    “… come into an unexpected inheritance …” does kind of suggest a motive for somebody and therefore sort of answers the question in the first sentence. The title’s a big clue too.
    However, I do like the idea of “the victim of one too many random accidents”. That’s a good punchy hook and maybe it needs to be in the first 2 lines?
    Feel free to hate and/or ignore me. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. No, this is good! As you may have gathered I’m not entirely thrilled with the blurb either, for the same reasons you mentioned… It gives too much away. The title, eh… I originally called it Second Chances but there are 500+ books of that same title on Amazon!

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Oh, well OK then! 😀
        Does this help?

        With a new love, a new home and financial security, life is good for Olivia Sutton. But life is also proving to be traumatic and tenuous as she becomes the focus of one too many random accidents. Is this all a coincidence or is someone stalking her with an intent to kill? Has something in her past come back to tear away everything she holds dear? And can she uncover the truth before it’s too late?

        Liked by 3 people

  3. I think babbitman makes a good point in his comment. Maybe remove the mention of “unexpected inheritance” from the blurb. The difficult thing with suspense is that you want to grab interest, but you don’t want to give too much away. The first question certainly grabs interest, and you back it up with the last three sentences.

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      1. I like it. The title alone brings questions to mind. We wonder why the inheritance is tainted, if it’s money gained from criminal activity. Something besides grandpa hitting it big in the stock market. Maybe grandpa was a moonshine runner?

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi Meg, I like the title of the book – it conveys to me a good thriller. In the blurb, I thought you could say “She’s found new love in contractor Leo Donovan, has made a fresh start with a new home, and has acquired an unexpected inheritance.”
    I also like the word ‘windfall’ rather than inheritance, but I’m not sure if it will fit in the context of your book. Windfall seems more vague, therefore appealing to the reader. Hope this helps 🙂

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      1. Tainted Windfall sounds like a book to me..seems to sum it up! If I saw that on a shelf I would think it was a romantic book, with a touch of mystery. Is that what your book is about? The story line is really good 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m commenting before reading any others so, if I’m repeating, I apologise!
    Why would anyone want to kill her? has got to go.
    There are at least two reasons just in the blurb.
    How about “Olivia has turned her life around…….” as an opener?
    Good luck with it.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. I’m excited to read this one, Meg. For what it’s worth, my thoughts: Why would anyone want to hurt Olivia Sutton? Her life was finally coming together after her divorce. She’s found new love with contractor Leo Donovan and made a fresh start in a new home. When she becomes the victim of one too many random accidents, she realizes someone is stalking her. Has something in her past come back to haunt her? And can she and Leo discover the secret before it’s too late?

    I like the title the way it is, lots of possibilities…

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  9. —after her divorce.” . . . An unexpected inheritance, and the love of contractor Leo Donovan, help her make a fresh start in a new home. But then, she falls victim to a series of life-threatening accidents.
    Is Olivia being stalked by someone or something from her past? Can she and Leo unravel the mystery— before it is too late?

    My two cents, Meg—feel free to ignore! Good luck with this difficult task!

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. I am no expert, but I agree with Babbitman. The starting line “Why would anyone want to kill Olivia…?” The title of the book answers that question, so you might not want to start with that. But I really liked the part about making a fresh start after her divorce, new love with Leo Donovan and the one too many random accidents line!
    Can’t wait to read the book, all the best Meg! 🙂

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  12. I love the title! And I like babbitman’s suggestions. But, what do I know? I thought it sounded good in the first place! And, of course, I have zero experience writing one of these…! Maybe someday you can help me with mine. Which may be *years* from now… 😀

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    1. This is my least favorite thing in the entire process… It has to be “perfect” or you lose your audience. Like a movie trailer for your book. I did take some of babbitman’s suggestions, August and Diane, too. The change is subtle but impactful. Next up- the cover!!!

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  14. I don’t think I’m even qualified to answer this. I liked the title a lot. Better than Second Chances, for sure. Hate to play the devil’s advocate here but what’s so particularly godly about Olivia for someone not to kill her. For all you know, she may be the mafia don who has smuggled aliens into NASA and is making them mine diamonds in the Gulf of Mexico (I’m saying this in the hope that there are no diamonds in there!)
    Maybe her ex-husband wants to kill her, he doesn’t want to pay alimony. Or, ex-husband’s ex-wife wants to kill her because Olivia’s get a bigger alimony than her. 😛 I’m not sure I’m pulled in enough.
    (Like I said , just playing devil’s advocate here. On a personal level, I already want that book just ‘coz you’ve written it. 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. You have a great hook dangling up there, I believe it would be plenty enough for me! Agreed with Andrew, you can’t give away too much…and congratulations, oh prolific one!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. I hear that – I think you’ve been a writing fool! I’m going to read your next Arboretum installment today too. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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