Ah, love… Who doesn’t love love? But love in the world of fiction is a funny thing. It’s exciting and passionate and heroic or tragic, even. Two deeply flawed individuals meet, they initially hate each other, conflict arises, circumstances force them together. They find common ground, the struggle they face brings out the best qualities in both of them. They fall desperately, hopelessly in love and live happily ever after. Or if the story ends tragically and the lovers are kept apart, our hearts are broken. Nevertheless, happy ending or no, fictional romances are interesting.
My question for you all to ponder is this: Do love stories give us unrealistic expectations about how things should play out in the real world? Maybe. For example, have you noticed a trend toward super romantic, totally contrived and staged proposals? Do we now expect to be taken up in hot air balloons, on rides in horse-drawn carriages, proposed to on the Jumbotron? Seriously, if someone did that to me, I’d say no just to screw with them. Did you hear about that idiot who stopped traffic on a freeway to propose and ended up getting arrested? He’s lucky he didn’t get run over. Moron. Anyway, is this what it’s come to? Having to make grand, sweeping, over-the-top gestures of true love? It makes my eyes roll so far back in my head I can see behind me. How about just going out for a nice dinner? Really, if you want to surprise someone with a ring, do it under the most ordinary circumstances. Or leave the ring in the fridge next to the ketchup or something. That would be surprising.
By now you’re thinking, “Boy howdy, that Meg’s not romantic at all. Somebody musta done her wrong somewheres.” (You’d be thinking that in your old timey cowboy voice.) Ok, truth be told, I have had a couple messed up relationships. However, so have a lot of people and that doesn’t put them off romance. And that goes for me as well. I just think we need to be realistic in our expectations of love in the real world. It’s not all candlelight and flowers and everyone looking like a supermodel. Or Aidan Turner, damn it. (I’m shameless, I know.)
![8409c5e06e765d2ac48f122d6e1f97be](https://megsorick.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/8409c5e06e765d2ac48f122d6e1f97be.jpg?w=238&h=357)
Sometimes the little things can be just as romantic. Like snuggling under the covers on a rainy morning. Or being told you’re beautiful (or handsome) even when your hair is a mess and you don’t have makeup on (or the dude equivalent of that). Or combining your finances and your music collection, even if you hate their Steely Dan albums. (Ok, my Steely Dan albums. No judging.) And kissing even when you’re not going to have sex.
All right, you get the idea. And everyone’s list will be unique anyway. The point is the little things that happen every day can be just as wonderful and loving and romantic as the big shiny things that DeBeers tries to sell you. Or that romance novels lead you to believe. Don’t let fictional romance ruin the real thing for you. Everybody deserves a happy ending.
Love, Meg
What do you think, writers and readers? What does romance mean to you?
I think real life romance is a combination of factors that when mixed in the right amounts will form a bond between two people. Yes, I’m distilling this down to the non-fluff elements because when you strip away all the sweet illusions, what you end up with are people who like each other and enjoy their company.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Precisely! I can’t even add to that – you are right on!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I do have a romantic side though I don’t show it willy-nilly. That’s reserved for special someones. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
As it should be!!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree that fictional romance makes real life tough on both men and women. Men are expected to create these over the top grand gestures and women are perhaps disappointed and left to wonder why their guy didn’t rearrange the letters of the Hollywood sign to say I love you. (I just made that up. That’s good. It should be in a movie)
LikeLiked by 3 people
With Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. That’s good stuff! And you’re right, all the heavy lifting goes to the guy. All we have to do is buy lacy underpants and show up. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
If that’s all women do, we are very happy with that. Drew Barrymore is a great choice since I have a crush on her.
LikeLiked by 2 people
And if this whole writing gig doesn’t work out I will try my hand at casting director!
LikeLiked by 1 person
If you are the casting director feel free to cast me as the romantic lead opposite Drew!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Done! 😆
LikeLiked by 1 person
And if one of my books is made into a movie I’ll insist that you’re cast with Aidan Turner, although I’m not sure he’s big enough to be in one of my movies
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure you can convince him! Just don’t cast me opposite George Clooney, I’m the only female on the planet that doesn’t find him attractive!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ok, it’s a deal.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I laughed out loud when you wrote you would screw with the proposer if they went over the top on delivering the question. Reading this reminded me of an episode on the TV show “Reba” where her ex counsels the fellow recently married to their daughter that – and I believe this was in reference to Valentine’s Day – you “never want to set the bar too high.” I agree that in a lot of cases writing inspires ridiculous scenarios and subsequent expectations, but the media is really to blame because God knows every single time some one proposes marriage at a sporting event it’s worthy of national attention. The comment by wallacecass summed it up perfectly for me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s so true! And people (women) always excitedly ask their girlfriends when they get engaged, “how did he propose?” It’s become its own “thing” for Pete’s sake! Sure it should be a nice experience but some of the stuff I hear makes me shake my head! Do guys have those conversations?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not in my experience. A guy would be “letting his guard down” even discussing how to propose to his girl, what to do for Valentine’s Day, etc. I think at least for guys my age it was a sign of weakness to “kick around” ideas. You’re a man. You’re supposed to figure that kind of stuff out on your own. And I don’t think in my day we were trying to outdo each other. With “social” media now, people are going to want pictures, details, etc. and if you don’t bring your “A” game I guess you run the risk of letting all your “likes” down! More pressure now to be showy.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Isn’t that the truth? You know, if I were a guy I think I’d run for the hills from a high maintenance girl. But then again I know some guys who are looking for that in a girlfriend. So they can post that all over social media!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it depends on what kind of romantic each person is. You’re more like me, but I think some people like al that stuff. For me I can’t see the point as every time you need to up the ante to impress.I think there are all kinds of ways in the ordinary world to show someone you love them, but whether they see it or not is the thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right! It’s what I would call high maintenance though. Can you imagine having to sustain and/or top the previous romantic gesture? It seems exhausting and frustrating. The little daily gestures are just as important but we do have to keep our eyes open for them! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s very true. Even doing the jobs that your partner needs or wants is a gesture as part of being together.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right! Even better when you do them together! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That doesn’t happen…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It would be nice if it did…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, the expectations are totally unreasonable, at least in the movies.I blame it all on The Notebook. 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh my god! That’s hilarious! I’ve never seen that movie, can you believe it? I have however seen Die Hard a million times and I’d totally take Bruce Willis over Ryan Gosling! Yippee ki yi yay!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have unfortunately seen this film and that trailer is all you really need to see. lol Gosling seems so milquetoast to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No need for Ryan, you could just substitute that pillow! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG. Smiling from ear to ear right now. 😀 Although the idea that I may end up in spin cycle every so often does cause me some concern. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
BTW, maybe I’m too hard on Mr. Gosling. Perhaps it’s jealousy? 😀
https://weight2lose2013.wordpress.com/2016/02/02/ryan-gosling-mail-order-edition/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha! Ladies do seem to love him!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love a bit of aspirational romance, but it’s all viewed or read in the certain knowledge that I’ll never get any of it! How else are we supposed to form irrational crushes on literary characters and secretly hold it against our husbands for not reaching their standard? I ask myself every day where Chris Hemsworth was when I was 25 and looking for a husband!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ooo and what’s even worse? When you find out the crush is a really good guy in real life! Like CH or one of my crushes, Colin O’Donahue!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or Hugh Jackman – I think I might have a thing for Marvel characters!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha! Just so it’s not the Hulk!
LikeLike
Never the Hulk, only Thor ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
And possibly Graham Quinn now 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha! Awesome! Tall dark and handsome! And as romantic as a root canal!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nicola – You and I seem to be in competition here! You have a crush on all my favs – Thor, Wolverine and now Graham?? Don’t tell me you have a thing for Loki – he’s mine! Meg – hear that??
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha! My friend has a mad crush on Loki but I could never see the attraction so you’re safe there. Now, if we were moving into Captain Jack Sparrow territory that would be a different matter all together!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fine! You guys fight over the Marvel heroes, just leave me my Aidan Turner! And Colin O’Donahue!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fine, Nicola! Since you are leaving Loki to me, I shall spare Captain Jack Sparrow for you!
Meg – Aidan Turner and Colin are yours, I am content with Graham, Thor, Wolverine and Loki and maybe Captain America too! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m going to need Green Arrow while we’re divvying up superheroes. Possibly Christian Bale’s Batman
LikeLiked by 1 person
Green Arrow and Batman are yours to keep!
I am happy with my list for now! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I honestly do feel that fictional romance (and movies like the Notebook) has put a very different idea of romance into people’s head and it takes a few realistic relationships or heartbreaks to realize that real life romance is not at all like fictional romance. The biggest eye opener in the case is that there is no ‘happily ever after’ in real life romance, it takes a lot of hard work to keep up the romance in a real life relationship. Once can’t just say, “Ok, I got him/her, they’re mine, this means its happily ever after!” Like everything else, relationships also take time energy and hard work.
I find over-the top proposals a total waste of money, time and energy! I mean, why?? Why so much drama? A simple proposal with a heartfelt message should be enough – but I guess that varies on personal preferences and on how private/extroverted one is!
Same goes for the longgg lovey-dovey messages people post on Facebook ‘dedicated’ to their partner who is probably sitting right next to them on the couch. Put the damn phone down, look into your partner’s eyes and say “I Love You!” Now that’s romantic…!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Right on sister! I couldn’t have said it any better! Real relationships thrive on dedication and devotion on the parts of both people involved. And talking face to face!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am, admittedly, a big Nora Roberts fan. But, there’s something about the “knight in shining armor” type she often writes that makes me appreciate what I have even more.
There are also some things I’ve read in romance novels that I think would border on abuse or rape. It helps put in perspective what you want and don’t want out of a relationship.
Sure, it’s nice to slip into a fantasy world and day dream for a moment, but in reality, I think it makes me fall in love with my husband even more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love Nora, too. But she has probably ruined a lot of women for “real world” men! And although I enjoy her books, I was thinking of her when I wrote this! I don’t mind a strong man as long as he doesn’t mind a strong woman. I agree with you about appreciating real love even more when you read romantic fiction. It’s got the depth and solidity that will stand the test of time, not burn out if the initial passion ebbs!
LikeLike
Yes, we need to do away with these grand romantic gestures! It used to be that when a man liked a woman he would do nothing more than toss her over his shoulder, board his longship and… I don’t feel like this is relevant to modern romances so I’ll stop there.
My idea of romance is as simple as sitting in a room with someone doing completely separate things and enjoying each other’s company. Hopeless romantic I know!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You just got engaged right? So you just tossed her over your shoulder? How’d that go? 😆
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish! It was a formal engagement in front of about 40 of her family (and 10 of mine, we’re few and tall)! My hands are still shaking three months on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yikes! No pressure there!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post – not to mention being thoroughly entertained by all of the comments! The honest movie trailer is a riot. I’m also glad you, Nicola, and Rashmi have sorted out the division of the superheros! haha!
All of the over-the-top proposals and romantic gestures have become such a bore – and end up leading to bridezillas who care more about the pomp and circumstance of the wedding than the actual marriage they’re entering into. I often wonder what happens to these couples 6 months after the wedding when no one’s paying attention to them anymore.
My son-in-law proposed to my stepdaughter while they were out walking their dog. I’d always liked him but knew then that he was a keeper!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had a blast with this post! And isn’t that the truth? People are more worried about the showiness of the whole affair than the actual relationship. Your son-in-law sounds like a keeper for sure! And good for your step-daughter being the right kind of girl! There are still a couple superheroes not claimed if you want to throw your hat in the ring!
LikeLike
You guys are killing me! The post was great, Meg, and the comments were a riot. If there are any superheroes left, send one my way!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You got it!
LikeLike
I am guilty of slipping so deeply into a romance I’m reading (or watching in a movie) that I feel like I am truly a part of it. And, oh yes, in comparison, real life kind of sucks in the romance department! But I’m not completely delusional. I’ve never been the ‘someday my prince will come’ sort of girl. I mean, if he was hot as hell, I wouldn’t toss the prince out of bed, but I was never waiting for him. 🙂
I, too, have no use for the ridiculous elaborate proposals. I think if that happened to me, it might be a deal breaker. I might say no for real. I wouldn’t want to share that moment with anyone but him! Although on a side note, my husband’s proposal to me was exactly the opposite of a showy romantic gesture… somewhere in between might have been nice. I love what you said about hiding the ring near the ketchup. In my case, probably with the coffee. 😀
I agree that real-life romance is a whole different concept than the idealized romance in fiction. And I’d rather John get me that new laptop battery I need than toss away money on flowers or chocolate or jewelry.
And jewelry store commercials nauseate me. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t feel bad. I had to ask my husband to marry me. I might still be waiting for a proposal! That’s a joke… sort of. But we did get off to a rather unusual start! It’s all good now, though! The best gift my husband ever bought me (as a surprise, anyway) was a mountain bike!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 That’s a great gift!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought so too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think love in fiction may place unreasonable expectations on romance in the real world. Even worse, are the lofty expectations set by Hollywood. Even reasonable people will make unfiar comparisons to romance in fiction and real life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, it’s true. My special pet peeve is when 2 characters absolutely hate each other throughout the film and by the end are madly in love. All that anger! Good luck staying together!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly. Do you really think Jane stuck with Tarzan once she had to live with his bad jungle habits?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the shout out Becky!!!
LikeLike
Romance is a slow-developing adventure shared between two people who find out that they don’t work as individuals unless they have the other person in their life….or something like that….
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a perfect description!
LikeLiked by 1 person